Life After Divorce: How to Effectively Communicate with Your Ex

For many people, one of the biggest benefits of getting through a divorce is that you don’t have to deal with your ex any longer. The fact is, however, that there are usually a variety of reasons why communication will still be necessary long after the divorce is finalized. The most common reason is co-parenting, but even if you don’t have young children, there are many times when being able to communicate effectively will make your life much easier. The following proven tips can help you to communicate with your ex without getting into fights or having other problems.

Written Communication

While not always the best option, written communication such as email does have some advantages. Specifically, you will have proof of what each party said. This is important if your ex tends to lie about things or even if they simply remember things incorrectly. Of course everything you say will also be documented, so make sure you are always calm and reasonable. There are programs such as Talking Parents and Our Family Wizards that the parties can download which facilitate the written communications.

Keep it Brief

One of the benefits of a divorce is that you don’t have to engage in long, drawn-out, conversations with your ex. Oddly, many people continue to extend what should be a very short conversation to cover topics that aren’t relevant. If you must talk to your ex, start the conversation with specific topics you want to be covered. Once those are done, end the conversation politely and move on.

Don’t Use Kids as a Go-Between

If you have children, it can be tempting to try to talk to them to get information about your ex. This is not only potentially damaging to your children, but it is usually frowned upon by the courts should it come up. If you have questions about your ex, ask your ex directly. Using your children as a go-between is inappropriate and unfair to your kids.

Consider Communicating in Public

If either you or your ex has a tendency to yell and get very upset, it can be helpful to have discussions in public. Many people will keep their cool much better when there are other people around. Of course, if your ex (or yourself) doesn’t mind making a scene in public, then this option is definitely not a good idea.

Pretend They Are a Business Associate

Keeping your communications business-like is a tactic to reduce emotions. Your emails to your co-workers are usually cordial, direct, and non-offensive, especially if you know your employer is monitoring your emails. Treating your former spouse in the same manner will likely reduce the chances of becoming aggressive or insulting, which could possibly be used against you in future litigation.

Speak Through Lawyers

If all else fails, you can always handle any required conversations through your attorneys. Of course, this option is going to be more expensive than other solutions, but when you absolutely can’t have a civil conversation with your ex, this can eliminate virtually all direct contact. Whether you need this option, or you have questions about how to deal with your ex from a legal perspective, please contact Annette Sanchez Law to set up a consultation today.

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